My studio practices

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The subject of my images has always been my body. Recently, I've started re-discovering myself through the lens of a photograph. In many ways, it has been therapeutic; there is something therapeutic about the sensation of shutting out the rest of the world and focusing solely on myself. Trying to find myself again through photography has been a cathartic process. When I’m feeling anxious, taking up a camera is soothing. It has become a form of self-expression for me, allowing me to grow through trauma.

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I’ve recently been able to identify the traumatic experience that has led to this and I’m working on healing the past. Like I'm rediscovering myself through photography, experimenting and expressing myself without having to worry about finding the right words to say it all. There are still times when translating things into words is simply not possible, and in these moments, photography is perfect for me. Portraits allow me to observe my body in ways I've never seen before. The nervousness has made it difficult for me to interact with others but photographing my own body has always given me a sense of self-confidence and empowerment. The most important quest for healing is to discover and embrace myself. To the people who have experienced similar pain and sadness, a frame would be able to make them feel safe and silent. The camera allows me to expose my fears and express my emotion infront of the camera and it doesn’t judge, nor it does not care about how I look. Taking photographs of my body contributes to rediscovering it and with some perseverance-embracing it. Being alone creates a whole different dynamic to the experience. Nothing but myself, my body, and a camera, with the camera serving just to assist me in approaching my body and internalizing it even further.  It's not about the appearance. It's all about capturing the essence of a subject. It's an attempt to convey feelings that are notoriously difficult to put into words.

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I made an artwork titled "Sombre to stone" a photographic series that serve as a physical manifestation of the grief and acceptance of the past. It is a cathartic piece of work in which philosophy is used as a guide to find a resolution to the trappings of the past trauma. It is significant because I was struggling with trauma and never been able to get through, but I have now discovered a practice in the philosophy of Stoicism helps alleviate the pain, which has assisted me in moving on from my traumatizing experiences. Sombre to Stone is also manifested as a photographic series that shows a prolongation of 7 images suspended from the ceiling and a stone slab serves as a metaphor of one’s burden going through the traumatic journey. The images taken shows three stages of a journey, the feeling of being trapped by trauma, breaking through it and a closure - acceptance. This piece is significant as it talks about a person overcoming trauma and seeking a closure from the devastating past. I intend to use my artwork to demonstrate how Stoicism has guided me to achieve the state of “acceptance” and which the artwork will depict 3 different stages of my journey. 

 

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First and foremost, the sensation of being shackled by the past as a starting stage for a healing journey that I chose to express the feeling of being "humiliated".  The representation connects the feeling of being trapped by the traumatic experience to a form of my framework. I've always believed that the incident has forced me to hide around the bushes because it left me in a state of shock and devastation, which has lasted for several years. The sensations of suffocation and humiliation that I was experiencing serves as a metaphor for the time of occurrences. Thus, the chosen material to establish suffocating or drowning impression are the uses of blanket – the idea of the object that reminiscent the past occurrences. 

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Secondly, I'm adhering  to the Stoic philosophy in order to overcome my fear. When I recognized that talking about the experience with other people would be pointless in the long run, I instinctively developed a stoic mentality on a subconscious level. Eventually, I've come to terms with the fact that I no longer want to be a part of this situation any more. I was intrigued and decided to study more about it in order to include it into my art concept. To summarize, the purpose of Stoicism is to achieve inner peace by overcoming adversity, practicing self-control, being conscious of our impulses, comprehending our ephemeral nature and appreciating the limited time we have, these were all meditative practices that assisted them in living in harmony with their nature rather than it. 

 

Lastly, my road to acceptance will be centered on how I will embrace my vulnerability, which relates to brushing off unnecessary emotion and the idea of letting go of the past.  I understood that I hadn't truly grasped the notion that I was ultimately responsible for my own happiness, and that if I don't embrace the past, it will continue to keep triggering my emotions.  

 

 For my artwork, it will show a prolongation of my journey displaying at least eight to ten images of my exploration with portraiture and body expressions in an attempt to express the experience of being imprisoned by my traumatic experience. The photographs I took will gradually revealing bit by bit of myself to show how I have empowered to be brave accepting the devastating past. Capturing these images, allows me to confront my predicament and embracing the state of vulnerability. During the process of photographing myself, it empowers me to expose my fears and my own fragility in front of the camera. 

 

In the series of photograph, I would include writings as a form of letting go of my physical and mental trauma. Stoicism has taught me the value of acceptance which is a state of mind that I must cultivate by speaking directly to myself - the act of writing. It is the way I overcome the negative thoughts. From what I've learned, accepting things as they are is a way of letting them go. Through the act of writing, it helps release suppressed emotions that is unable to be expressed verbally.